


So Hold My Hand Before My Heart Erupts

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Derek's Horrible At The Whole Fake Dating Thing, Everyone Is Alive, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Pining Derek Hale, Roommates, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28877805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Derek Hale is good at a lot of things. Fake dating his best friend Stiles Stilinski isn't one of them. He's only pretending to date the guy he's been pining after for years. What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 16
Kudos: 338
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020





	So Hold My Hand Before My Heart Erupts

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Christine as part of the 2020 Fandom Trumps Hate. 
> 
> Title comes from [A Lovely Mess](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU1hK8XXRcQ) by Front Porch Step.

Derek has a problem. The biggest problem. Probably the biggest problem in the history of problems. No, that is not an exaggeration. And it’s his own damn fault. If he’d just kept his mouth shut then he wouldn’t be in this situation.

But he hadn’t, and now he is. And he has no idea how to get himself out of it.

He groans and bangs his head on the table in front of him. "Shit."

A chuckle sounds behind him, "What did that table ever do to you?"

Derek doesn't have to look up to know who's joined him. He'd know that voice anywhere. 

Stiles Stilinski. His roommate of the past three and a half years. Some would say it's a miracle that they survived that first year without killing each other. Let alone got along well enough to willingly live together the next two years. But they had despite their differences. 

Sure, Stiles is loud where Derek is quiet. He's messy while Derek tidy. He's a night person where Derek prefers mornings. He’s the polar opposite of Derek in so many ways. But it works. 

Because no one else sees what they do. They don't see the animated way Derek talks when he's excited about something, or the way Stiles goes quiet when he focuses. Especially at night when he knows Derek is asleep. 

There had been a learning curve at first, but they've worked around it. Derek couldn't imagine having anyone else as a roommate, or as his best friend. And well, Derek might be a little bit head over heels in love with him. And maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's why Derek opened his big mouth and said something to Laura he shouldn't have. 

"I did something," Derek mumbles. 

"What is it?" Stiles asks. "Did you kill someone? Do you need an alibi?"

Derek lifts his head to look at him, "You'd really be my alibi if I killed someone?"

Stiles shrugs, "I know it would have to be for a good reason. And besides, you're my best friend. I always have your back."

And this is the in he needs. "Well, that's good because I kind of need you to do something for me."

Stiles grabs an orange from the bowl on the counter and tosses it between his hands. "Sure, what's up?"

"Be my boyfriend."

The orange Stiles was tossing falls on the floor with a dull thud, "What?"

"I maybe told Laura we were dating while I was on the phone with her," Derek says. 

"What on earth did you do that for?"

"Because she's been on my back about being single, so I maybe told her I was seeing someone, and when she asked who your name just slipped out," Derek says. 

"It just slipped out," Stiles says slowly. 

"Yeah."

"You have a whole campus full of people you could have named that she doesn't know, and yet you decided to drag me under the bus with you?"

"She wouldn't buy that I was dating some random person," Derek says. 

"You very well could have had a secret boyfriend you never told her about," Stiles says. 

"Really?"

"You told her you've been dating me," Stiles points out. 

"That's different."

Derek doesn’t want to get into how. That would involve having to explain that he's been hopelessly in love with Stiles the last three years, and Laura damn well knows that. She's been telling Derek to ask him out or move on for at least two of those three years. And maybe he should have told her some random person's name. Then she could have accepted he'd tried to move on, and one day down the line it just didn't work out. 

But no, Derek had to say it was Stiles. Now, this whole thing is going to blow up in his face. 

"Okay," Stiles says. "So I'll just tell her we're dating if she reaches out to me."

Derek grimaces, "Yeah, about that…"

Stiles narrows his eyes, "What else is there?"

"I told her we'd be coming home to visit over Christmas break."

"You what?"

“I told them we were coming home,” Derek says again. “Mom kept asking and I couldn’t say no to her.”

“So we have to actually pretend to be together?”

Derek grimaces, “Yeah. But it won’t be that bad.”

Stiles sighs, “Der...”

"You said you wanted to see your parents," Derek points out.

"Yeah, and I also can't afford to fly back," Stiles reminds him.

That's also true. It's part of the reason why Derek had originally planned to stay on campus over break. He didn't want Stiles spending the holiday alone. But then he’d made the mistake of taking one of Laura’s calls.

"My parents are paying for our tickets," Derek tells him. 

"Dude…”

"They're very adamant," Derek says. "It's best not to argue with them. They'll be offended if you don't accept."

Stiles sighs, "There's no way out of this?"

"You can take the flight home to see your mom and dad even if you don't want to go along with this whole thing," Derek tells him. "That's not why they did it anyway."

"It's not?" 

Derek shakes his head, "No. My parents love you. They know how important it is for you to see your parents. That has nothing to do with what I told Laura."

“And what will you do if I don’t go along with this?”

“Well, I’ll have to tell Laura the truth,” Derek sighs. “Not looking forward to that. She’s going to give me so much shit for it.”

Stiles stares at him for a moment, no doubt trying to figure out the best way to tell him no and that he's an idiot. Then he sighs and looks up at the ceiling. "I'll do it."

“What?”

“I’ll do it,” Stiles repeats.

Derek tries, and no doubt fails, not to grin. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Stiles tosses the orange at Derek, who easily catches it. “I’m going to be the best fake boyfriend you’ve ever had, Derek Hale.”

“You’re going to be the only fake boyfriend I’ll ever have,” Derek reminds him.

“Damn right.” Stiles winks and walks down the hall towards his room. “Gotta get packing, big guy.” His head peeks around the corner. “Wait, when are we leaving?”

“Tomorrow morning,” Derek tells him.

“Shit, I really do need to pack,” Stiles mutters. “And do laundry probably.”

“You definitely need to do laundry,” Derek tells him. “You haven’t washed anything in a month.”

“Because I’ve had plenty of clean clothes!”

“And now?”

There’s silence for a moment before Stiles sighs, “I might be running low.”

“If you want, put your clothes in with mine,” Derek tells him. “I need to do a few loads myself.”

There’s a whoop from the hall, and then Stiles is running back into the room and throwing his arms around Derek’s neck. “You’re the best, Der.”

“Yeah, don’t you forget it.”

“Never.”

Derek stands completely still as Stiles places a smacking kiss on his cheek and then runs off down the hall. “Love ya!”

Yeah, Derek really is screwed.

* * *

“I don’t know how this happened,” Derek sighs into the phone. He was in the middle of packing when Boyd called. The other man had listened quietly as Derek had explained the whole situation to him. Only once Derek finished did he break his silence to laugh. Which is rude. Derek’s in the middle of a crisis here.

“You know exactly how,” Boyd says.

“Yeah, it’s Laura’s fault,” Derek mutters.

“Laura’s not the one that said you were dating Stiles,” Boyd says. “That was all you.”

“To get her off my back!”

“And because it’s what you want,” Boyd says. “You’ve been in love with him for years, Derek. It makes sense that if you had to create a fake boyfriend, you’d think of Stiles.”

“Except I don’t want it to be fake,” Derek mumbles. 

“Then maybe you should tell him that,” Boyd suggests.

Derek snorts, “Right. That would go well.”

“It could.”

“Stiles isn’t interested in me, Boyd.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because he’s my best friend,” Derek says. Then adds, “Apart from you, of course.”

“Of course.”

“And I know him,” Derek continues. “I’d know if he was into me.”

“Okay, say that’s true, then wouldn’t it go both ways?” Boyd questions.

“What?”

“Wouldn’t Stiles know you’re into him since you’re best friends?”

Derek stills. He hadn’t thought of that. Derek’s sure he doesn’t know. But… “He could, and he’s just being nice and hasn’t said anything because he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings.”

“ _Or_ he could have no idea,” Boyd points out. “And be just as oblivious as you are.”

“I am not oblivious,” Derek says.

“You are.”

“You’re not helping.”

“Sorry.”

Derek huffs out a laugh, “No, you’re not.”

Boyd’s answering laugh relaxes Derek a bit. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and even though they give each other shit sometimes, Derek knows he can always count on Boyd. 

“I think this trip may surprise you,” Boyd says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s Christmas, after all.”

“Don’t tell me you suddenly believe in the magic of Christmas,” Derek teases.

“Blame Erica,” Boyd says. “She’s been making me watch Hallmark movies since November.”

“Last time I talked to her, she said she found you watching one without her,” Derek says.

“That doesn’t count,” Boyd says.

Derek raises an eyebrow, despite knowing Boyd can’t see him. “And why is that?”

“Because it was Lifetime and not Hallmark,” Boyd says.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Derek laughs. “I didn’t know there was a difference.”

“There is,” Boyd says. “And this was a gay RomCom, and Fran Drescher was in it. It’s an exception.”

Derek knows the one he’s talking about. He might have watched it himself because he has the teensiest crush on Ben Lewis. Something Boyd knows.

“And don’t act like you didn’t watch Happiest Season and cry,” Boyd adds.

“Hey, that’s on Hulu. It’s totally different.”

“You seem to be lying to yourself a lot tonight, Derek,” Boyd says.

“You’re the one that just said Lifetime and Hallmark are different,” Derek argues. “I think mine is a _little_ more different.”

“I’ll give you that one,” Boyd says. “But we both know that’s not all I was talking about.”

Derek frowns as he searches his dresser, trying to find a t-shirt of his. It’s one of his favorites. A Doctor Who shirt he got years ago from Laura. It’s a little worn, but he still loves it. And he could swear he washed it recently. So why isn’t it here?

“I have to go,” Derek says suddenly.

“What? That afraid of talking about your feelings?” Boyd asks him.

“No, but I am trying to finish packing, and I can’t find one of my shirts,” Derek says.

“You know the world won’t end if you don’t wear that Doctor Who shirt for one week,” Boyd says.

“That’s not…” Derek trails off. He knows there’s no use lying. Boyd knows him too well. “It could be a different shirt.”

“Is it?”

“No.”

“As I thought,” Boyd says. “What time are you getting in?”

“My flight leaves at 7 a.m., and we should get in about 9:30 if there aren’t any delays,” Derek says. “My parents will probably want to have a big dinner. Which you are more than welcome to come to.”

“Of course,” Boyd says. “I can’t miss the excitement of your and Stiles coming out as a couple.”

“Everyone knows we’re dating,” Derek tells him.

“Except you’re not _really_ dating,” Boyd reminds him.

“Yeah, I don’t need that reminder,” Derek sighs. “I’m more than aware.”

“You know you could fix that,” Boyd says. “Just ask him out.”

Derek sighs, “Haven’t we already been over this?”

“Yes, but you’re hard-headed. It might take a few more tries to get through to you.”

“Goodbye, Boyd,” Derek says.

“Yeah, bye. See you and your _boyfriend_ tomorrow.”

When Derek hangs up, Boyd is still laughing. Derek shakes his head and tosses his phone on his bed. He knows Boyd means well, but Derek knows he’s wrong about this. He’s been friends with Stiles for years. He’d know if Stiles was into him. Wouldn’t he?

He pushes the thought away. There’s no point in going there. Not if he wants to get through this trip with his sanity intact. Along with his heart. Going down that train of thought would just give him up, and that’s not something he needs right now. What he needs is reality. And the reality is, no matter how much Derek loves Stiles, Stiles isn’t into him. And that’s fine. He long ago accepted that they were simply meant to be best friends. He can live with that. 

Now he just has to make it through the next few weeks of pretending to be Stiles’ boyfriend. 

* * *

The next day, Derek and Stiles wake early to catch their flight back home. Both are too exhausted to talk much as they wait for their flight. Stiles keeps nodding off next to Derek, and Derek feels close to it himself. He’s usually a morning person, but he hadn’t slept much last night. And when he did, he’d dreamt of Stiles. Nothing abnormal, but it had him waking with a longing in his chest for something he knows he can’t have. 

“Tired,” Stiles mumbles next to him once they're seated on the plane. “Mornings are evil.”

Derek chuckles and relaxes back in his seat. “Sleep if you want. I’ll make sure you’re awake before the plane lands.”

“What about you?” Stiles asks.

Derek shrugs, “I’m just going to read.”

“Right, because you don’t like sleeping in planes,” Stiles says. “Or in cars.”

It’s true. Even when Derek is exhausted, like he is now, he just can’t let himself sleep. His mind won’t let him. He always needs to know what’s going on or where they’re going. Even when he was little, and he’d take road trips with his family. He’d stay awake, reading in the back of their van, using every passing streetlight to see the pages when he could, and otherwise watching the scenery pass by. It’s not that he didn’t trust his parents to get him someplace safely. He did and still does. There’s just a part of his mind that tells him it’s important to know where they’re going.

And in the case of flying, making sure he’s aware in case something should go wrong.

“Just sleep, Stiles,” Derek says.

Stiles yawns, rests his head back against the seat, and closes his eyes. “Kay.”

It doesn’t take long for Stiles to drift off. It never does when he’s exhausted like this. Derek grabs his book and opens it to the page he’d bookmarked, and starts to read. He’s not sure how much time passes before he feels a weight on his arm. He glances down to see Stiles has slumped in his head, and his head has fallen against Derek’s arm. He’s still sound asleep. Derek smiles down at him, and is careful not to jostle him as he turns the pages.

“You two are adorable,” a voice says from his left.

It takes Derek a moment to realize the person was talking to him. He looks over to see an older woman looking at him. She’s smiling kindly as her gaze drifts from Derek to where Stiles is sleeping. “How long have you two been together?”

Derek knows he could just tell the truth. They’re not together. They’re just friends. But instead, he says, “About six months. But I’ve umm… I’ve loved him for years.”

“Love at first sight?”

Derek chuckles, remembering the first time he met Stiles, at least officially. They’d lived in the same town but had gone to different schools. It still amazes Derek sometimes that living in a town as small as Beacon Hills that they’d never met. Maybe then he would have been more prepared for the chaos he found that first day when he’d walked into his dorm to find it a disaster of boxes and clothes. Stiles was in the middle of it all, looking around at his things helplessly. 

Derek had just gotten in from a party Boyd had dragged him to, saying he’d wanted to get the college experience with Derek before he flew back home. All he’d wanted to do was sleep but had instead found his bed piled with clothes that didn’t even belong to him. Stiles had stood in the middle of the chaos, his hands on his hips and bottom lip between his teeth. All Derek could do was close his eyes and take a deep breath before calmly telling Stiles to please remove his things from his bed or Derek would do it himself and Stiles along with them.

“Not quite,” Derek says.

“Ah, one of those,” the woman says, eyes twinkling. “But you got there.”

Derek looks down at where Stiles is still sleeping soundly and smiles. “Yeah. He makes it easy.”

“You hold onto it,” she says. “When you have a good one like that, you can’t let them slip away.”

Derek nods. He already knows enough by now to know there’s no way he’s letting Stiles out of his life anytime soon.

“He’s stuck with me.”

Derek tenses at the sound of Stiles’ voice, slightly muffled from where his face is pressed against Derek’s arm. His eyes peek open and meet Derek’s, who holds his breath. He hadn’t known Stiles had been listening. How much had he heard?

Stiles lifts his head from Derek’s arm and leans in close. Derek’s completely still as Stiles leans in and kisses his cheek. He stays close to breathe against his ear, “Relax.” When he pulls back, he’s grinning. “Isn’t that right, Derbear?”

Derek raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment on the nickname. How can he? His head is still swimming from the feeling of Stiles’ lips on his cheek. It’s taking everything he has not to reach up and touch the spot. Derek manages a nod, knowing he needs to acknowledge the question somehow. 

He pulls himself out of it and smiles as he puts an arm around Stiles and pulls him close. Or at least as close as he can in the cramped space. “Not stuck if I love being here.”

“That goes both ways,” Stiles says. “I’m in it for the long haul.”

Derek has a flash of something, a moment sometime in the distant future, him and Stiles pressed close on the old Hale family porch swing. Stiles smiles up at him, and Derek leans down and kisses him. It takes everything he has to not do the same right now. 

“I can live with that,” Derek says.

Overhead, a dinging sounds, and then the pilot’s voice fills the cabin. They’re landing. 

“You two boys enjoy your trip,” the woman says.

“You too,” Stiles tells her. He smirks up at Derek. “I know we certainly will.”

Derek shakes his head, “Behave.”

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“I’m sure your father, the Sheriff, would say it’s in you not getting arrested,” Derek says.

Stiles snorts, “Please. There are plenty of ways to have fun that won’t end with us in jail.”

Derek thinks of the last time they’d come to visit when Stiles had the bright idea of getting drunk and going skinny dipping in the lake on the Hale property. Derek had woken up to Stiles slipping through his window, wet and naked. For a moment, he thought he was dreaming. Then he’d heard the sirens nearby. Stiles had collapsed on Derek’s floor, a wet, giggling mess. Derek had been prepared to just go back to sleep when a knock sounded at his door seconds before it opened to reveal his mom there, with Sheriff Stilinski just behind her.

“I know what you’re thinking of,” Stiles says. “And that didn’t end with me in jail.”

“No, just dragged out of my room by your dad,” Derek says.

“I was just going for a swim, Der,” Stiles says.

“Naked and drunk in the middle of the night,” Derek replies.

Stiles smirks and bops his nose. “You’re just upset I didn’t wake you to join me.”

Derek probably would have combusted if he had. It was bad enough having to see Stiles mostly exposed in the middle of his room, only covered by the clothes he’d held in front of himself. He’s managed to survive three years without seeing Stiles naked. Which is a good thing. He doesn’t know if his mind could survive with that image. 

Derek clears his throat, “We’ve landed. We should get our carry-ons.”

“You’re on the outside,” Stiles reminds him. “Think that’s your job.”

Derek rolls his eyes and stands up, “You’re just being lazy.”

He reaches up and opens the overhead compartment where he’d stowed his and Stiles’ bags before the flight took off. “Nah, I just like watching you put those muscles to use.”

Derek glances down at him, and Stiles winks. Shaking his head, Derek grabs his bag, sets it on his seat, and then grabs Stiles’. By now, a crowd is gathering behind them as more people rise to get off the plain. Derek steps back and waves for Stiles to go before him. Stiles smiles and takes his bag from Derek, and walks towards the exit, Derek following just behind him. 

“You boys enjoy your trip,” the woman from the plane tells them as she walks by towards baggage claim.

“You too!” Stiles calls after her. He turns to Derek with a smile. “She was nice. And good practice, apparently.”

“We needed it,” Derek says as they head towards the doors. “She was easy. She doesn’t know us.”

“Oh please,” Stiles says. “This is going to be a piece of cake.”

“You’re really underestimating Laura’s ability to be nosey,” Derek tells him. “She’s going to have questions.”

“And we’ll be ready,” Stiles assures him. “We talked about this. Unless you’re having second thoughts?”

“I really should be,” Derek sighs. “But I don’t want to see her smug face if I have to tell her this isn’t real.”

“Then relax,” Stiles says. He slips his free hand into Derek’s and squeezes. “We’ve got this. We’ve been together six months after spending years and years pining away. You wrote me a poem to confess your undying love for me…”

Derek snorts, “Seriously? A poem?”

“It was very romantic,” Stiles says. “Even if you were a little tipsy.”

“Right,” Derek says dryly. “And what was your reaction.”

“Well, I tucked you into bed and told you we’d talk more in the morning when you were sober because I didn’t want to take advantage of you, of course,” Stiles says.

“Of course.”

The thing is, Derek can picture that so well. So well that it makes his chest ache. Because Stiles would be gentle like that. He would never do anything to take advantage of Derek or anyone else. 

“And then in the morning when you woke up, I had water and Tylenol waiting, along with breakfast. Once you finished your food, I took your hand and told you I loved you too if your feelings hadn’t changed.”

“And they hadn’t,” Derek whispers.

“Of course not,” Stiles winks. “I’m not that easy to get over.”

Doesn’t Derek know it? That’s the whole problem.

They walk out the doors into the sunlight. It’s so different from the chilly winter weather they’d left behind in New York City. It takes a moment for Derek’s eyes to adjust. When they do, he immediately spots his mom standing by their SUV. He catches a flash of long black hair, and then Laura is throwing herself into his arms.

“There’s my baby brother!”

“Hardly a baby, Laura,” Derek tells her. “I’m twenty-three.”

“But you’ll always be our baby,” his mom says. She smiles and embraces him when Laura steps back. “Oh, it’s so good to have you home. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, Mom.” He looks around them and frowns. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s waiting at home,” his mother says. “Stiles’ parents are there waiting, as well. Speaking of,” she turns to where Stiles is standing beside him and smiles. “I am so happy you could join us, Stiles.”

“Me too,” Stiles says, accepting the hug she gives him. “Thanks, by the way. You really didn’t have to…”

She waves him off, “Please. You’re family.” She looks between Stiles and Derek and raises an eyebrow. “Even more so now, it seems.”

Stiles smiles up at Derek, something soft and fond. “Yeah. It took us a bit, but we finally got there.”

“You’ll have to tell us all about how it happened,” Laura says. “I’m dying to know.”

“I’ll tell you in the car,” Stiles says. “It’s a riveting story.”

“I’m sure,” Laura says.

“And your brother is quite the romantic.”

Laura raises an eyebrow, “Is that right?”

“Totally.”

Stiles drops Derek’s hand and links his harm through Laura’s as they walk towards the car. He leaves his bag sitting next to Derek. Derek rolls his eyes but grabs the bag all the same. He puts both their bags in the trunk of the SUV and turns to his mom. She smiles and cups his cheek. 

“It really is so good to see you, sweetheart.”

“You too, mom.”

“You’re happy?” she asks him.

Derek’s eyes drift to where Stiles and Laura are sitting in the backseat. Stiles is talking animatedly, his warms waving as he does. Derek smiles. “I am.”

“I’m glad,” she says. “I always knew you two would make a good match.”

“Really?”

She shrugs, “Of course. A mother knows these things.”

Derek feels a little guilty about lying to her. He could just tell her the truth now. But something holds him back. Part of him wants to cling to this illusion as long as he can. To just pretend for a little longer that Stiles really is his boyfriend. That Stiles loves him.

“I love you, Mom.”

Talia smiles and wraps her arms around him in another tight hug. “I love you, sweetheart.”

She pulls back with a smile. “Now, let’s get going. There’s no telling what your father is getting up to being alone this long unsupervised.”

“He’s with the Stilinski’s,” Derek says.

“Yes, and all the more reason to hurry,” Talia says. “No doubt those men are about to drive poor Claudia up the wall.”

Derek chuckles. He knows she’s right. 

Stiles and Laura are talking when they get in the car. It takes Derek a moment to realize Stiles is talking to her about them. 

“I’d passed out early that night,” Stiles is saying. “I’d fallen asleep studying for my history test. When suddenly, I’m woken up to Derek shaking me. At first I thought something was wrong, you know? It was three a.m., and Derek is never awake that late. But Jordan had dragged him out for drinks earlier, and well…”

“He was drunk,” Laura says.

“Totally,” Stiles laughs. “But that’s not the best part.”

“Oh?” 

She glances at Derek, and he shakes his head, “They really don’t need to hear this.”

“She asked how we finally got together,” Stiles says. “That’s all I’m trying to tell her.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you got drunk and confessed your feelings,” Laura says.

Talia raises an eyebrow, and Derek fiddles with the hem of his coat, “I umm…”

“It’s so much better than that,” Stiles says. He pauses a moment, clearly trying for a dramatic effect. “There was a poem.”

“Oh my god,” Laura whispers. “Derek wrote poetry?”

“Drunk poetry,” Stiles says. “He went on and on about the color of my eyes. There was something about wanting to swim in their chocolate depths.”

“Oh, Der…”

Derek sighs, “They’re pretty eyes.”

“Of course,” Laura says. “Apparently poetry worthy.”

“He said he loved me with the light of a thousand suns,” Stiles goes on. “And that nothing could ever match the brightness of my smile.”

Stiles really is laying it on thick. Saying he’d written poetry had been bad enough. Derek hadn’t planned for him to actually make up things he’d said. Not that any of it was wrong. If Derek is being honest, he really does love Stiles with the light of a thousand suns. Not that he’d ever admit that out loud.

“Okay, Stiles,” Derek says. “I think they get the point.”

“Yes, the rest probably shouldn’t be said in front of your sister and mom,” Stiles agrees.

Derek shakes his head.

“Anyway,” Stiles goes on. “He finished, and I was just floored. I never dreamed Derek could return my feelings. I was prepared to pine away forever. Then he comes at me with all that. But he was drunk…”

“You didn’t think he meant it?”

“I wasn’t sure,” Stiles says. “And I didn’t want to take advantage of him. So I tucked him into bed and told him we’d talk in the morning.”

“And you did?”

“We did,” Stiles says. “I made him breakfast and made sure he was taken care of. I asked him how much he remembered, and he said all of it. I felt like I might throw up when I asked him if he meant it. I was ready for him to say no or laugh it off. But then he’d looked me right in the eye and told me he had. So what else could I do but kiss him? I teased him a bit, of course. And told him I loved him with the light of a million suns.”

“Aww, how sweet,” Talia says. 

“It certainly is,” Laura agrees. “Who knew Derek would be the one to finally get his shit together first?”

“Certainly not me,” Stiles laughs. “But it was a pleasant surprise.”

“Maybe one day you’ll read the full poem for us,” Laura suggests. “Like at your wedding.”

Derek’s eyes widen as Stiles starts coughing in the back seat. Laura laughs and pats his back. “Relax. I was teasing. I know you just started dating. It’s much too soon for that.”

“Definitely too soon,” Derek says.

“But I’ll bring it up in a year or two,” Laura continues.

“A year?” Stiles asks.

“A year seems completely reasonable,” Laura says. “Wouldn’t you agree, Mother?”

“I think we should leave the poor boys alone,” Talia says. 

“They’re men, Mom, not boys.”

“You can still leave us alone,” Derek says.

“And where would the fun be in that?” Laura teases.

“I’m far too tired to deal with you right now,” Derek mutters.

“Aw, did poor Derek not get enough sleep?” Laura teases.

“No, I didn’t,” Derek says. “Because I had to pack and then be up early this morning.”

“You could have saved yourself by packing early,” Laura says.

“I didn’t even know I was coming home until yesterday!”

“Children,” their mother says, voice stern in a way that always has them falling quiet. This time isn’t any exception. “Enough.”

“Sorry, Mom,” they say in unison.

“Stiles is probably wishing he was staying with his parents right about now,” Talia sighs.

“I’m not?”

“He’s not?”

Talia frowns, and Derek sees Laura raise an eyebrow in the rearview mirror. “Of course not. He’ll be staying with us, of course.”

Oh no. Oh no no no. If she says…

“Derek, your room is all made up for the two of you.”

Shit. Derek tries to stay composed. Even if inside, he is freaking out. Majorly freaking out. Because he’s supposed to share a room with stiles? Not just a room, but a _bed_? How the hell is he supposed to survive this?

“That’s umm… that’s really nice of you, Mrs. Hale,” Stiles says.

“Talia, please.”

“Talia,” Stiles corrects himself. “But I was really hoping to stay with my parents while I’m here. I haven’t seen them in such a long time.”

“Oh, I know you must have missed them terribly,” Talia says. 

“I have.”

“But it’s unfortunate that your old room isn’t in any state to be slept in.”

“It’s not?” Stiles asks.

Talia shakes her head, “No, unfortunately, they’ve been using it for storage.”

“They _what_?”

“They didn’t tell you?” Laura asks sweetly.

“No, they must have left that out,” Stiles says through his teeth.

Derek wishes he were in the backseat with him. He has the sudden urge to take his hand or squeeze his shoulder. Anything to take that look off his face. 

“They’re thrilled to have you home, of course,” Talia says. “But there was no way to get your room ready on such short notice.”

“Of course,” Stiles says. He clears his throat and gives Derek a tight smile. “So I guess we’ll be roomies.”

“You’ve been roomies for three years,” Laura points out. “And surely sharing a room and a bed for months now. So this should hardly be any different. In fact, I thought you’d be thrilled to be sharing Derek’s bed.”

“Of course we are,” Derek says, trying to spare Stiles from having to comment any further right now. He knows how bad he must be feeling. No doubt they’ll be talking about it later when they’re alone. For now, he just needs to get Laura and his mother away from the subject. “I’m always thrilled to be spending time with Stiles. And to be home. I have missed this place.”

“Oh, and we’ve all missed you,” his mother says. “It’s been too long since you’ve visited.”

“I know,” Derek says. “But I only have another semester left, and then I’ll be here so much you’ll be sick of me.”

“You’re really coming back here to live?” Laura asks. “Both of you?”

It’s something Derek has thought a lot about. He doesn't like the idea of being separated from Stiles. But Stiles has always been on the fence about what he wants to do. “I uhhh…”

“I did tell my Dad I’d come back and work at the station,” Stiles says. 

“Oh, wouldn’t that be lovely?” Talia asks. “You working at the station and Derek at the school?”

“It really would be something,” Stiles says.

He seems to be a little bit back to normal, at least for appearances sake, but Derek can tell his head is elsewhere. 

“It’s hard to believe you two grew up together and never even spoke or knew each other,” Laura says.

“That’s not technically true,” Stiles says.

Derek frowns, “Yes, it is. We never talked until that day in the dorms.”

“We never talked,” Stiles says. “But I noticed before that.”

“You did?”

“How could I not?” Stiles asks. “You were a star basketball player. Everyone knew you and wanted to be your friend, or more in some cases.”

“I’m guessing you were in the latter,” Laura teases.

Derek’s feeling a little thrown by this whole revelation. The entire time he’s known Stiles, the other man has never once mentioned he knew who Derek was. They laughed about being from the same town, but he never said anything about noticing him. 

“How could I not know that?” Derek asks.

“I wasn’t exactly someone people noticed,” Stiles shrugs. 

Derek wants to say he would have noticed. But he knows how he was back in high school. Sure, it was only a few years ago, but he’s changed. Matured. The person he was then might not have noticed, but the man he is now sure as hell does.

“Those people were idiots,” Derek says.

“Weren’t you one of those people?” Laura asks.

“I was self-absorbed back then,” Derek says. “So yes, I was.”

“Now, honey, you were just focused,” his mother says.

“Oh no, he was plenty self-absorbed,” Laura says. “He spent more time in front of the mirror doing his hair than I did.”

Stiles laughs, “I can see that.”

Derek’s brow furrows, “Hey. Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?”

Stiles leans forward and kisses Derek’s cheek, “I can be on your side and still tease you.”

“Ugh, you two are going to be insufferable,” Laura groans. 

“I think it’s sweet,” Talia says.

“Sweet enough I may vomit.”

“Laura.”

“Just saying.”

“As if you’ve never been completely smitten with someone,” Talia says. “I remember all the boys and girls you brought home.”

“It was nothing like this,” Laura says.

“What’s supposed to mean?” Derek asks.

“Just that I was never really serious about any of them,” Laura says. “Not the way you two are.”

“Hey! We’re almost there!” Stiles exclaims, pointing out the window.

Sure enough, they’re passing the sign welcoming them to Beacon Hills. Soon, Talia is turning onto a path into the preserve. Derek looks out the window at the trees as they pass by. It’s been so long since he’s been out here, but he still knows this place well. It all looks the same as the day he left it. Wild and free and green. 

Soon, the Hale house is coming into view. Derek immediately spots Laura’s mustang in front of the house, along with his father’s car, the Sheriff’s cruiser, and a familiar powder blue jeep.

“Roscoe!”

Derek smiles as Stiles jumps out of the car as soon as Talia has parked it and runs over to the jeep and hugs it. 

“You’re in love with that?” Laura questions.

Derek shrugs, “You don’t choose who you love.”

And isn’t that the truth? Not that he’d ever choose anyone else to give his heart to. If there’s anyone that deserves it, it’s Stiles. 

Derek follows his mom and sister out of the car and walks towards the house at the same time the front door opens, and his father steps out, along with Stiles’ parents. Sheriff Stilinski is watching Stiles with a bemused smile.

“He comes home for the first time in over half a year and goes right for the jeep,” he says, shaking his head. “Never mind the parents he hasn’t seen in months.”

“Roscoe hasn’t betrayed me,” Stiles says. “Not like you.”

Claudia Stilinski’s brow pinches, “What are you talking about, Stiles?”

“You’re using my room as storage!” Stiles yells. He’s standing next to the jeep now, with his hands on his hips as he glares at his parents. “You’ve… you’ve… forgotten me!”

“Of course we haven’t forgotten, son,” the Sheriff says. “You’re the one that told us to use it for other things.”

“Yeah, but I always thought I’d have a place there to come back to,” Stiles mumbles. “Not left to sleep on the street.”

“You’re being a little dramatic,” his father says. “No one is making you sleep on the street.”

“You’re staying here with the Hale’s,” Claudia says. “With Derek. We thought you’d like that. Which, by the way. You could have _told_ us you two were dating.”

“We were waiting to see how things were going before we told anyone,” Stiles says. “We didn’t want anyone in our business and putting extra pressure on us.”

“Nobody would ever do that,” Claudia says.

Derek shoots a look at Laura, and she sighs. “Don’t look at me. I’m innocent here.”

“You’re a lot of things, Laura, but I wouldn’t say innocent is one of them,” Derek says.

Laura shoves him lightly, “You might be taller than me now, but I’m still older and can kick your ass.”

“Pretty sure you just proved my point there,” Derek laughs. “And you totally would have been in our business, Laur. You already were before you even knew.”

“Because I love you and want you to be happy,” Laura says.

“Don’t worry about that,” Stiles says, sliding up next to him and hooking an arm around his waist. “I’ve been making sure he’s happy. Right, Der?”

“You have,” Derek says, smiling down at him. “So happy.”

“That goes both ways,” Stiles beams up at him.

“Are you sure you can’t clear out Stiles’ room?” Laura calls over to Stiles’ parents. “If not for him, then for me so I can escape these two.”

“We’re not _that_ bad,” Stiles says.

“You two are so sweet I can feel my teeth rotting,” Laura says.

“Laura,” Talia chides.

“In a good way,” Laura adds.

“Is Cora here?” Derek asks.

“She’s inside with your dad,” Claudia says.

“Oh good, I was hoping she would be home,” Talia says.

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Derek asks, following her inside.

“She’s been spending a lot of time with some boy,” Talia says. “Isaac? He was in your grade but went to public school.”

“Lahey?” Stiles asks.

“Yes, that’s it,” Talia says, snapping her fingers. “Do you know him?”

“We weren’t friends, but I know him,” Stiles says.

“Should I be worried?” Talia asks, leaning in closer and lowering her voice.

Stiles shakes his head, “Nah, he was alright. It was just too much sarcasm between the two of us. The world would have imploded.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Sheriff Stilinski says.

“Well, as long as he’s not going to get Cora into any trouble,” Talia says.

Laura snorts, “If there’s anyone you should be worried about, it’s not Cora. This Isaac probably has no clue what he’s getting himself into.”

“Now, Laura,” their mother says. “That’s your sister you’re talking about.”

“And I love her dearly,” Laura says. “But she is a bit of a firecracker and has been known to make boys cry.”

It’s true. Derek lost count of how many boys left their house crying, and that was just when she was in middle school. He heard stories about it happening at school as well, not that he ever got to see it. Cora was just starting high school when Derek was starting college. 

“So she’s dating this Isaac?” Derek asks.

Laura shrugs, “She says they’re not, but who knows? Apparently no one in this family wants to be open about who they’re dating.” 

She gives Derek a long look at this, and Derek rolls his eyes, “I just wanted a little privacy. Something I never got a lot of living here.”

“Oh Derek, we always respected your privacy,” Talia says.

“You might have, but Laura?”

Laura pinches his cheek and laughs when Derek swats her hand away, “I was just looking out for my little brother.”

“There are two years between us,” Derek says. “I’m hardly little.”

“You’ll always be my little bro,” Laura says. “No matter how old you get.”

“Is this what it’s like to have a sibling?” Stiles asks. “Constant bickering?”

“Yes,” Derek and Laura voice in unison.

“But it’s all out of love,” Laura says.

“Some things never change, I see,” Robert Hale says from just inside the living room.

Derek grins at the sight of his father. “I’ve been wondering where you were hiding.”

“I’ve been getting lunch ready,” his father tells him. “Figured you two might be hungry.”

“I’m starving,” Stiles says. “We didn’t eat breakfast.”

“You said it was too early and to let you sleep,” Derek reminds him.

“Stiles turned down food?” Sheriff Stilinski asks. “That is shocking.”

“Because it was too early,” Stiles says. “The sun wasn’t even up yet.”

Stiles leaves them to talk and joins his dad in the living room. The older man opens his arms, and Derek steps into them. He’s missed a lot of things about home, but hugs from his father have been one of the biggest ones. “I’ve missed you, Dad.”

“I missed you too, son,” Robert says. “I’m glad you were able to make it home.”

“Thanks to you and Mom,” Derek says. He looks over at where Stiles is laughing with his parents and smiles. “It wouldn’t have felt right leaving him alone at Christmas.”

“Oh, it’s no trouble,” Robert says. “It’s nice to have both of you back here and the family all together again. Now come on, you can help me get lunch on the table.”

“What are we having?” Derek asks, following him into the kitchen.

“Just some sandwiches,” Robert says. “Nothing too filling. Your mother has a big dinner planned.”

“Speaking of dinner,” Derek says. “Boyd said he was going to drop by.”

“We figured as much,” Robert says. “Him and Erica, I’m assuming?”

Derek nods, “I’m sure she’ll want to be here.”

No doubt to tease him endlessly about Stiles. 

Derek helps his dad get the sandwiches and plates on the table, along with some chips and drinks. Then they call everyone into the dining room. Derek sits across from his parents, with Laura on one side and Stiles on the other. 

It’s a relaxed afternoon, all of them just talking and catching up. It’s nice. Derek loves living in New York, and it’s been nice to get out on his own these past few years, but he has missed home. He’s missed this house and being surrounded by people he loves. It’s normal, even with the secret surrounding his fake relationship with Stiles. It’s easy to forget that for a moment and just exist. 

* * *

After lunch, everyone disperses to do their own thing. Derek’s mother and Laura are hard at work finalizing things for the party, even though Derek insists they don’t need to do anything big. His assurances are waved off, and he’s sent up to his room with Stiles.

“I’m sure you both could use some sleep,” is all his mother says.

And Derek _is_ tired. He’s just not sure he’s tired enough to be able to fall asleep knowing Stiles is sleeping right next to him. Stiles doesn’t seem to have that problem though. He falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. Derek envies that a bit. 

He lays there a while, his body still and eyes trained on the wall in front of him. He debates turning the TV on and watching something but thinks better of it. He doesn’t want to wake Stiles. He looks over at where Stiles is sleeping, curled up on his side facing him. He’s so still. More still than he ever is when he’s awake. It’s always been a contrast Derek has marveled at. Not that he spends a lot of time watching Stiles sleep. That would be creepy. But he has walked in on him asleep at the table or sprawled across the couch more than a few times. 

This is different though. Because he isn’t sleeping in any of those places. He’s asleep in Derek’s bed. And Derek’s mind starts to drift, imagining what it would be like to have him here more regularly. Not just his bed in his old childhood room, but in the apartment they share, and then one day a house here in Beacon Hills. 

It’s a dangerous path to go down. None of this is real. They’re not together. But he wishes they were. 

_Just tell him how you feel_ , a voice that sounds a little too much like Boyd’s whispers in his head.

He pushes it away. He can’t do that. He’s not going to push his feelings onto Stiles. He’s not going to risk losing him. 

Derek sighs quietly and finally admits defeat. He’s not going to sleep and laying here like this isn’t going to accomplish anything. He grabs his phone from the nightstand and shoots a text to Boyd asking him if he wants to hang out before the party tonight. After getting Boyd’s confirmation, he writes a quick note to Stiles telling him he’ll be back and then quietly leaves the room. 

He can hear voices in the kitchen as he walks down the stairs towards the door, and the TV is playing quietly in the living room. His dad is sitting in his favorite recliner while Sheriff Stilinski is on the couch. His dad raises an eyebrow when he sees Derek trying to slip by, and Derek mouths a silent “Boyd,” hoping that will be enough and his dad won’t draw the attention of his mom. His dad nods before turning his attention back to the game, leaving Derek the opening to slip out the front door without being noticed by anyone else.

It’s not that he cares if anyone knows that he’s going to hang out with Boyd. His whole family loves Boyd. He just knows his mom would ask why Stiles isn’t going, and well, he really doesn’t want to get into that. The biggest reason is that he wants to let Stiles sleep, but he also just wants some time alone with his best friend. 

He shoves his hands in the pockets of his coat as he sets off down a familiar path. It’s one he often walked as a kid and then as a teenager. It leads to his favorite hangout spot. One he and Boyd frequented often. Boyd’s already waiting on a giant rock overlooking the lake when Derek walks up.

“Hey man,” Derek says, clapping a hand on his back as he steps up next to him.

Boyd grins and throws an arm around his shoulders in a one-armed hug. “There’s my long lost best friend.”

“Hardly long lost,” Derek says. “You talked to me ten minutes ago.”

“Yeah, but I haven’t seen you in months,” Boyd says. “You’re looking good, man.”

“You too,” Derek tells him. He crawls up on the rock next to him, and they sit in silence for a moment. “How’s Erica?”

“She’s good,” Boyd says. “Settling into her new job at the center. She seems to really like it though.”

Derek nods. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when he heard that Erica got a job as a mentor at the home for at-risk youth. She’s always wanted to work with the kids in town that often get overlooked. 

“That’s great,” Derek says. “At least one of us has a job.”

Boyd laughs and knocks his shoulder against Derek’s, “You will soon enough. In a few years you’ll be running the high school.”

“I sure as hell hope not,” Derek laughs. “I don’t need that pressure. All I want is to teach history in peace.”

“I’m pretty sure teaching and peace aren’t two things that often go together,” Boyd jokes.

“True,” Derek says. “But it’d be a hell of a lot better than being principal of that school. That position is cursed.”

It’s not far from the truth. Beacon Hills High School had gone through six different principals in the past eight years from what Derek heard. The only person that’s lasted more than a year is Natalie Martin, and people say that’s only because she’s terrifying and the curse broke just at the sight of her. Not that Derek really believes in curses. He’s only met Natalie Martin once, and he thinks anyone would be wise to be scared of her.

“Maybe they just need the right person to take it,” Boyd says.

“I’m sure Natalie Martin has it more than under control,” Derek says.

“I never knew anyone could be as terrifying as Lydia until I met her mother,” Boyd laughs.

“You spend a lot of time with the Martin’s?” Derek questions.

“Erica and Lydia are friends,” Boyd says. “So I see Lydia from time to time. She invited us to dinner at her mom’s one night, and I’m never doing that again.”

“Too fancy for you?”

Boyd nods, “Man, I felt like if I touched anything Mrs. Martin would jump out and smite me.”

Derek’s only been in their house once when he had to drop something off for his parents. And he had the same feeling. He couldn’t imagine being there for a prolonged period of time.

“So,” Boyd says. “Are we going to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Derek asks. He knows what Boyd is leading up to. In fact, he’d been expecting this conversation. Not that he wants to have it. 

“You know what,” Boyd says. “You _boyfriend_. Where is he, by the way?”

“Sleeping,” Derek says. “We had an early morning.”

“I’m aware,” Boyd replies. “So he’s with his parents.”

Derek looks out across the lake, not looking at Boyd as he replies, “No. He’s staying with us.”

“Oh, is he now?” Boyd asks, a teasing tone to his voice. “Did your parents set up the guest room for him?”

“No.”

“They didn’t put him on the couch?”

“No.”

Boyd is silent for a moment. Derek can feel his eyes on him but doesn’t look his way. Then Boyd starts laughing, cackling, really. “Oh my god.”

“It’s not that funny,” Derek mutters.

“He’s staying in your room with you, isn’t he?”

Derek sighs, “Yes. He is. My parents apparently thought it would be nice.”

“Oh, this is great,” Boyd says. “Not only are you pretending to date the guy you’ve been helplessly in love with for years. Now you have to share a bed with him.”

“I don’t see what’s so great about that,” Derek snaps. “It’s going to be torture.”

“I’m sure it is,” Boyd says, nodding solemnly. “This could be resolved if you would just…”

“If you tell me to tell him how I feel, I will shove you off this rock,” Derek warns.

“You won’t,” Boyd says.

“Do you want to try me?” Derek asks, raising an eyebrow.

Boyd holds up his hands, “I won’t say it. Even if it is true.”

“Boyd…”

“You could always crash at my place if you wanted,” Boyd offers.

“I can’t just leave Stiles alone at my parent’s house,” Derek says.

“Right, that would look suspicious to leave your boyfriend alone,” Boyd says.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this,” Derek says. “We went upstairs to nap, and I just laid there staring at the ceiling because all I could think about was that it was Stiles sleeping next to me, and how I wished it could happen more often but be real. Hell Boyd, I even pictured us owning a house together. A _house_.”

Boyd whistles, “You’ve really got it bad.”

Derek groans, “I do.”

Boyd pats his back, “It’ll be fine. You just have to get through winter break, and then you’ll go back to how things were.”

Derek knows he’s trying to be reassuring. Normally that would be. But even after a day of pretending to be Stiles’ boyfriend, he doesn't know how he’s supposed to just go back to being friends. He will, of course. He’d rather have Stiles in his life as just his friend than not at all. But it’ll be hard at first. Especially after knowing what it’s like to hold his hand and sleep next to him and…

“Oh my god,” Derek whispers.

“What is it?” Boyd questions.

“Are they going to expect us to kiss?” 

“I don’t know. I think it would be a little weird if we just started kissing. Especially since we're both in relationships.”

“Shut up. You know that’s not what I’m talking about,” Derek mutters.

“I know what you’re talking about,” Boyd says. “Are you telling me you and Stiles didn’t set ground rules for that stuff?”

“I didn’t think about it!”

“Yeah, well, you might want to talk to him about it,” Boyd says. “Make sure you’re on the same page.”

“Do you think it would look weird if we didn’t?” Derek asks. “God, knowing Laura, she’d get suspicious.”

“Just say you two aren’t into PDA,” Boyd shrugs. 

Derek nods, “Yeah. I guess that could work.”

Derek still worries the whole rest of the afternoon. He never gets a chance to talk to Stiles alone. When he gets back to the house, Boyd in tow, Stiles is sitting in the living room talking to both their dads. He grins at Derek and waves him over. When Derek sits down, he leans in and kisses his cheek and then turns back to the conversation like it's nothing.

Boyd catches his eye from the armchair next to the couch and raises his eyebrow. Derek minutely shakes his head. He tries to find time to talk to Stiles, but there’s always someone around. Whether it’s their parents or Laura, or Cora and Isaac when they show up. There’s never time. Stiles even disappears for a while at one point. And Derek is being sent off with Boyd to grab some last-minute items his mother needs before Stiles comes back. It’s as if the universe doesn’t want them to talk. 

“So,” Boyd says as they walk the aisles of the grocery store. “You haven’t talked to Stiles.”

“I can’t get him alone,” Derek says. “I’ll have to do it tonight when we’re alone.”

“Right, where better to have a conversation about boundaries than alone in your bedroom?”

Derek throws the roll of paper towels he just picked up at him. Boyd easily catches them, of course.

Derek expects the party to be in full swing by the time they arrive back, but there aren’t any new cars parked out front. It’s strange. Boyd doesn’t look like he’s suspicious though. He’s whistling as he grabs the bags from the trunk. All of them, in fact.

“You know, I could help,” Derek offers. He tries to take one from him, and Boyd shakes his head.

“Just get the door,” Boyd tells him.

Now _that_ is suspicious. “You sure?”

“Positive, man.”

Derek raises an eyebrow but opens the door, going in first when Boyd insists. The house is quiet when they step inside, and empty. At least until he walks into the living room.

“SURPRISE!”

Derek jumps at the sudden noise and people jumping out from corners of the room and behind furniture. 

“What is this?” Derek asks, looking around the crowded room.

“A surprise party, silly,” Laura says, looking pleased with herself.

“I can see that,” Derek says. “But for what?”

“Your birthday,” his mother tells him. 

“My birthday isn’t for another week and a half,” Derek reminds them.

“We know that,” Stiles says. He walks up to him and hooks his arms around his waist. “But you’ve talked about how much you hate sharing it with Christmas, so we figured we'd give you your own day to celebrate.”

“It was Stiles’ idea,” Laura says. “He texted me last night once he found out you both were coming home.”

Derek looks down at him in awe, “You planned this for me?”

Stiles shrugs, “Yeah. You deserve a day just for you.”

Derek has the sudden urge to kiss him. He doesn’t though. He wraps his arms around him and hugs him instead. “Thank you,” he whispers against his ear.

“You know, we all threw this party,” Laura calls over to them.

“Oh, let them have their moment, Laura,” their mother says.

Derek pulls back with a smile, “Thank you. All of you.”

“Oh, it’s really no trouble,” Talia says. “I was planning to have a welcome home dinner anyway. So it didn’t take much to turn it into a birthday party.”

“Is there cake?” Derek asks hopefully.

“There is,” Stiles says. “I went and picked it up.”

“Is that where you snuck off to?”

“Told you he would notice he was gone,” Laura says. “Stiles didn’t believe me.”

“I always notice when you’re not around,” Derek says.

“You two are so cute,” Claudia says. “Turn around so we can get a picture.”

Stiles groans, “Pictures, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“The sooner you take the pictures, son, the sooner we can eat,” Sheriff Stilinski says.

“Probably best to just go with it,” Derek tells him.

Stiles sighs, but Derek can tell it’s only for show. He turns around to face his mother, and Derek slides an arm around his waist. They take a few pictures, and then luckily are saved by Cora yelling into the room.

“Dinner!”

Dinner is a lively affair. Derek is once again between Stiles and Laura. This time, he’s seated across from his Uncle Peter and cousin Malia. While Malia is mostly concerned with her food, Peter keeps smirking across the table at him.

Stiles leans in close and speaks lowly to where no one else can hear, “No offense, but your uncle creeps me out.”

Derek snorts, “He creeps everyone out.”

“Pleasant as always, nephew,” Peter says.

“Maybe if you didn’t smirk creepily at people, then they wouldn’t call you creepy, uncle,” Derek retorts.

“I’m merely pleased that you two seem to have figured things out,” Peter says. “I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Derek is full of surprises,” Stiles says.

“Clearly,” Peter says. “I heard you wrote Stiles a poem?”

“I might have,” Derek says.

“I’m sure we’d be delighted if you shared it with us,” Peter says. “Who doesn’t love a little poetry at dinner?”

“Now now, Peter,” Talia says. “I’m sure Derek doesn’t want everyone to hear something that personal.”

“I don’t,” Derek says.

Mostly because he doesn’t remember what he supposedly said to Stiles. That he loved him with the light of a thousand suns or something. He also knows if Peter ever heard that, he’d never let him live it down. 

“Maybe Stiles will delight us with some poetry on another occasion,” Laura says. “Their wedding, perhaps?”

“Isn’t it a little soon to be talking about marriage?” Sheriff Stilinski asks.

“They’re still young,” Robert says. “Just let them breathe. No point in pointing unnecessary pressure on them.”

“Thank you,” Derek says. “At least someone in this family is reasonable.”

“We just want you to be happy,” Talia says. “And we’re thrilled you finally found your way to each other. It’s been a long time coming.”

Derek nods and turns his attention back to his food. It tastes off though. Maybe it’s the guilt of lying tainting it. Once dinner is over, Derek walks Boyd to the door. Boyd claps him on the shoulder. “Good luck tonight.”

“Thanks,” Derek says, glancing over at where Stiles is talking to Cora and Isaac. “I’ll probably need it.”

“You okay?” Boyd asks him.

“I guess I just feel bad lying,” Derek says. “All I wanted was Laura off my back, and now I’ve created this mess.”

“If you want to stop this, you can,” Boyd tells him. “But I think you should think long and hard about what you want, Derek.”

Derek knows what he wants. What he wants is for this whole thing to be real. Spending time with Stiles and their families together has made him wish for something he knows he can’t have. For them to have a life together, do family holidays and pictures and all sorts of things that are just not possible. 

He’s thinking about that as he walks upstairs to his room that night and gets changed for bed. Stiles knocks on the door just as he’s finishing up. He starts sorting through his bag, and Derek turns around to give him some privacy. He’d leave if it wouldn’t draw the suspicion of his family.

“Did you enjoy your party?” Stiles asks him.

Derek nods, “Yeah. It was great having everyone together again.”

Stiles is quiet for a bit before he asks, "Isn't it weird that no one is the least bit surprised that we're dating?"

Derek’s hands still on the bed, and he fights not to turn and look at Stiles where he's changing in the corner. 

How does he answer that question without giving himself away? He can't exactly say that his family has known about his feelings for Stiles for years and have relentlessly teased him about it. 

Derek shrugs and pulls the covers back on the bed, "I suppose."

“You suppose?” Stiles asks. “That’s it?”

“My family has always been… enthusiastic about things,” Derek says. “I think they’re just happy for us.”

Stiles makes a noise of agreement but otherwise doesn’t speak right away. During that silence, Derek crawls into bed. He keeps his gaze on the ceiling as he pulls the covers up over him.

Stiles snorts, “You know, I won’t break if you look at me.”

“I’m just trying to respect your privacy, Stiles,” Derek says.

“As if you haven’t seen me without my shirt on a hundred times before,” Stiles says.

That’s true. But that had been different. They weren’t about to share Derek’s bed then. Still, Derek tears his gaze away from the ceiling and looks over to where Stiles is standing by his bag. He’s dressed in a black t-shirt and a pair of navy pajama bottoms. Something about the t-shirt looks familiar, even from the back. When Stiles turns to face him, Derek realizes why. 

“That’s my shirt,” Derek says.

Stiles looks down at the shirt he’s wearing and then over at Derek, a sheepish smile on his lips. “Oh umm… yeah. I borrowed it?”

“I spent at least an hour looking for that shirt last night,” Derek tells him. “I thought I’d lost it.”

“I saw it when I was taking your clothes out of the drier, and it just felt so soft, and I wondered how comfortable it would be on and…”

“You decided to take it?”

“I was going to give it back!” Stiles assures him. “Promise. I… well… I honestly didn’t expect you to see me in it. But then our parents put us in the same room together and well… You’re not mad, are you?”

Derek is feeling a lot of things right now, but anger isn’t one of them. The biggest one, the one that’s at the forefront of his mind, is longing. Because here Stiles is in the middle of his room wearing Derek’s favorite t-shirt, the fabric hanging slightly off his shoulder from where it’s a little too big. And Derek knows he’s never going to get this image out of his head. It’s going to be etched into his memory forever. 

“Derek?”

“I’m not mad,” Derek chokes out.

“Are you sure?” Stiles asks. “You look a little flushed.”

Of course Derek is flushed. His mind is betraying him with all sorts of thoughts that he should not be having about his best friend. 

Stiles crosses the room and kneels on the bed. He reaches out and presses the back of his hand to Derek’s forehead and frowns. “You’re a little warm too.” He goes to pull back, and Derek’s hand moves on instinct, wrapping around Stiles’ wrist and stopping him from moving. “Der?”

Derek doesn’t know why he did that. Doesn’t understand why he thought it would be a good idea to touch Stiles right now. To feel his warm skin against his palm. Stiles is looking at him with wide, worried eyes. Derek knows if he doesn’t let go now, he’s going to do something stupid like close the space between them and kiss him. 

As much as he wants to. As much as he’s _aching_ to know what it would feel like to kiss Stiles. Really kiss Stiles. He knows he can’t do that. He can’t do any of this. He’d been crazy to think that this would work out.

He drops Stiles’ hand and stands up from the bed, trying to put some distance between them. He knows what he has to do.

“I can’t. I can’t do this.” Derek tugs at his hair and paces the length of his bedroom. “I thought I could, but I can’t.”

“What’s the issue?” Stiles asks. He stands up and moves hesitantly around the bed towards him.

“The issue is this,” Derek says, gesturing between them. 

“Is it the shirt?” Stiles asks. “Because I can change.”

“It’s not the shirt,” Derek tells him. Even if that is the thing that finally broke him. That made him realize what a bad idea this was.

“Is dating me really that bad?”

“Yes!” The word leaves his mouth before he can think of how it might sound. How Stiles might take it. He stops his pacing and looks at where Stiles is standing, posture tense, by the door. “I mean…”

“No, I think I got it,” Stiles says. He clears his throat and looks at a space somewhere behind Derek. He won’t meet his eyes. “I’m sorry dating me has been such a hardship for you.”

“Stiles…”

“Though, to be fair, it was your idea,” Stiles says.

“I know that,” Derek says. “I just…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Stiles cuts him off. The smile he gives him doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’ll just go.”

“You don’t have to,” Derek tries.

Stiles shakes his head and backs towards the door, reaching behind him for the knob. “No, I really think I should. And don’t worry, Der. I won’t blow your cover.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Derek says. This whole thing feels wrong. Broken somehow. He’s afraid that if Stiles walks out of here now that whatever has shifted between them in the last few minutes won’t be able to be fixed. That he’ll lose him. That thought terrifies him. “Are we okay?”

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Stiles asks him. 

“You just…” Derek sighs. “I feel like I screwed this up.”

“There’s nothing to screw up,” Stiles says. “We weren’t really dating, remember? Which thank god for that, right? If you can’t even stomach pretending there’s no way you could…” His hand is shaking as he rubs it through his hair. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it and shakes his head. "Goodbye, Derek."

 _Goodbye._ It sounds so final. Too final. "I'll see you Christmas, right?"

Stiles hesitates a moment, and Derek counts each second as they pass, holding his breath through each one. 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. 

"Sure, you know I can't resist your mom's cookies."

The teasing note that would usually be in Stiles' voice isn't there. Even as he manages a smile. He doesn't say anything else before turning and leaving the room. Derek can only watch him go.

Inside he's screaming. He needs to fix this. Stop Stiles. Make him understand.

_I love you. I'm sorry. Please stay._

All the things he wants to say, that he should say, but he just stands rooted to the floor. 

He hears the front door close and then the sound of Stiles' jeep starting. He sinks back onto his bed and closes his eyes. Tears are slipping down his cheeks, but he makes no move to wipe them away. He’d screwed up. And now, because of that, Stiles was gone. He grabs his phone and pulls up his heartbreak playlist. Because yes, he has one. Who doesn’t? He scrolls through it before settling on a song that seems fitting for the moment and then presses play. Derek lays back on the bed as the music starts to fill the room. 

He thinks of Stiles and how he’d looked before he’d walked out the door. How he couldn’t even meet Derek’s eyes. He loves Stiles so much, and because of that, he’s lost him.

_Have you ever loved somebody so much  
It makes you cry?  
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad  
You can't sleep at night?  
Have you ever tried to find the words  
But they don't come out right  
Have you ever?_

"What the hell happened?"

Derek sighs and turns his head away from the door. It’s Laura. Of course Laura would be here. 

"I screwed up," Derek whispers. "I lost him."

The bed dips next to him, and then Laura's arms are wrapping around him as she settles over him. "Want to talk about it?"

Derek’s first instinct is to say no. But he’s been holding back so much lately. With Laura. With Stiles. With everyone. And he’s so tired of it. He’s tired of lying. 

“We weren’t really dating,” Derek whispers. Laura’s silent for a moment. Derek tries to turn to look at her. But it’s hard with her lying almost completely on top of him. “Laura?”

“I know,” Laura says finally. Derek tenses. He tries to move her off him, but she holds on tighter. “Derek, it’s okay.”

“You _knew_?”

“Oh, come on,” Laura sighs. “That story? Drunk or not, I couldn’t see you getting drunk and reciting elaborate poetry. You’re a sad, stoic drunk, Der.”

“So why didn’t you say anything?” Derek asks.

“I figured if you went through the effort to do this whole charade, you had your reasons,” Laura says. “And I thought a lot about it and realized it had to be because of me. At least a little bit.”

“You did keep bugging me about dating,” Derek mutters.

“Because I love you, and I want to see you happy,” Laura says. “Not that you need a relationship to make you happy. But…”

“What?”

“I know how you feel about Stiles,” Laura says. “I was _hoping_ you’d finally take the initiative and ask him out. And then when you said you were dating, I was so happy for you. Then it turns out you were just a dumbass and got yourself into a fake dating situation, which everyone knows never turns out the way people are expecting.”

“So you’re saying I’ve lost my best friend,” Derek mutters.

“ _No_ ,” Laura says. “I’m saying that you need to get off your ass and go talk to him.”

“What? He doesn’t want to talk to me!”

“I highly doubt that’s true,” Laura says. “What exactly happened?”

“I told him I couldn’t do the whole fake dating thing anymore,” Derek says. “And then he asked if fake dating him was really that bad.”

Laura’s off him in an instant. Derek rolls over and looks up at her. She’s looking down at him, her eyes narrowed. “Derek Hale, tell me you didn’t.”

“What?”

“Tell me you didn’t say yes!”

Derek winces, “I did. But…”

Laura grabs a pillow off the bed and whacks him with it, “Derek!”

“What the fuck, Laura?”

“What the fuck is right,” Laura says. “What were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t,” Derek says. “I was panicking because I kept thinking about how much I loved him and how much it was killing me to be with him but not really be with him.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“No, I just…”

“Let me guess, you didn’t try and explain yourself at all, so he was left to just make assumptions?”

“Yes?”

“Derek!”

“What?”

“Can’t you see what happened?” Laura asks him.

“He realized how I felt and…”

“NO!” Laura shouts. “No, Derek Hale. That is not what happened. He probably thought you were repulsed by the idea of dating him.”

“What?!” Derek sputters. “What? No! I don’t… Why would he…?”

“He asked if dating him was really that bad, and you agreed with him,” Laura says. “Think about that. Just shut up and think that through for a minute.”

Derek thinks back on the conversation. It had only happened maybe fifteen minutes before, but it had been so fast. And Derek had been in a haze of emotions. 

_“I’m sorry dating me has been such a hardship for you.”_

Of course. Stiles had been upset, but not for the reasons Derek had been thinking. He’d been so worried about losing him because of his feelings that it hadn’t even hit him what _Stiles_ was feeling.

“Shit,” Derek mutters.

“Have you caught up?” Laura asks. 

“I think so,” Derek says. “Stiles said he was sorry dating him has been such a hardship for me. And then he just shut down and said he should go. I didn’t…” He’s still missing something. He can feel it. 

Luckily Laura is there to be the voice of reason and help him piece it together, “And have you realized why he would be upset about you thinking that?”

“I don’t think that,” Derek says.

“We know that,” Laura says. “But Stiles doesn’t.”

“I never knew fake dating could be so complicated,” Derek mutters.

Laura rolls her eyes, “Yes, go figure that lying and saying you're in a relationship with someone you’re secretly in love with would be _complicated_.”

“You’re not helping.”

“You’re not _listening,”_ Laura says. “But I can’t make you understand if you don’t want to.”

“I do,” Derek says. “I’m just…”

“You’re afraid,” Laura guesses. Derek nods, and she sighs, putting her arms around his middle and resting her head on his shoulder. “I know love is scary, Der. But if you love him as much as I think you do, then you need to talk to him.”

“What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”

“That’s his choice,” Laura says. “But you have to try, and be honest. You owe it to both yourself and Stiles to tell him the truth.”

Derek knows she’s right. As much as it terrifies him, he’s going to have to talk to Stiles and tell him everything. “Can I borrow your car?”

“What? Hoping to make an impression?” 

“No, I just don’t want to have to explain to Mom and Dad what happened,” Derek says.

“You really think you can get away with not telling them?” Laura asks.

“Who knows? Maybe if everything works out I won’t have to,” Derek says.

“It will work out,” Laura says. “You’ll see.”

She stands up and pulls Derek up with her, “Now come on. Let’s go get your man.”

Derek’s heart is pounding hard in his chest the whole drive to the Stilinski house. He tries to talk himself up. He can do this. He just has to talk to Stiles and explain how he feels. Easy.

Except Derek has never been the best at talking about his feelings. Clearly. If he was, maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess. Because the more he thinks about what happened, the more he comes to a realization. Maybe he has been blind about this whole thing and Stiles _does_ return his feelings. It’s something Boyd and Laura and everyone else have noticed. He’s just the last one to see it.

The jeep is parked in the driveway when Derek pulls up outside the house. Unfortunately, so is Sheriff Stilinski’s cruiser. Shit. He hadn’t thought about having to face Stiles’ parents. There’s no telling what they must think of him right now. 

Still, he’s not turning back. The Sheriff could very well slam the door in his face, but he has to try. If that happens, he’ll just result to throwing rocks at Stiles’ window or something. 

He rubs his sweaty palms on his jeans as he waits for the door to open. When it does, he’s met with the glare of Sheriff Stilinski. It almost sends Derek running back to his car. Almost. But he didn’t come this far to give up.

“Sir,” Derek says. “Is Stiles here?”

“You damn well know he is,” Sheriff Stilinski says. “Maybe you can explain to me why my son came home in tears?”

Shit. Stiles had been crying? Derek had really fucked this up. “We had a misunderstanding,” Derek tells him. “Something I would like to fix if you’d allow me to talk to him, sir.”

“Oh John, just let the poor boy inside,” Claudia says from somewhere behind him.

“Why should I do that?” John asks. “So he can break Stiles’ heart some more?”

“I was an idiot,” Derek says. “But sir, I love your son. I want to fix this.”

The Sheriff studies his face for a moment before nodding and stepping aside to let him pass. “He’s upstairs in his room.”

Derek nods and moves past him into the house, “Thank you.”

“Hale,” the Sheriff calls after him. “You break his heart again, you’ll regret it.”

“Yes sir.”

He takes the stairs two at a time and then stops outside Stiles’ closed door. He hesitates for a moment before raising his fist to lightly knock. 

“Dad, I told you I didn’t want to talk!”

Derek inhales deeply and pushes the door open. Stiles is there, curled up on his bed. Or at least as much as he can be, Derek supposes. Most of the bed is covered with clothes and papers. His back is to the door.

“Stiles?”

Stiles sits up suddenly and turns to face Derek. His eyes are wide and wet rimmed. Shit. He really had been crying. “Derek?” After the initial shock wears off, Stiles turns away and dabs at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” Derek says. He steps further into the room and closes the door behind him.

“I didn’t tell anyone anything if that’s what you’re worried about,” Stiles says.

“It’s not,” Derek says. “I don’t care about that. Laura knows the truth.”

“You told her?” 

“She already knew apparently,” Derek says. “But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m an idiot,” Derek says. That hadn’t been how he planned to start this. But truthfully, he had no idea how he was going to do this at all. “I’ve been hiding things, and because of that you got hurt, and I’m so sorry.”

“What are you talking about?” Stiles asks him.

“I roped you into this whole thing without thinking about what it would mean,” Derek says. “Without thinking through the effect it could have on us.”

“You’re not the only one who agreed to do this,” Stiles reminds him.

Derek shakes his head, “But you only did it because I asked you to. That wasn’t fair of me. I shouldn’t have done that knowing how…”

“How what?” Stiles asks.

“How I feel about you,” Derek says. He moves until he’s kneeling in front of Stiles and takes his hands in his. They’re warm and solid, grounding him.

Stiles is watching him, a glimmer of hope in his eyes, along with the slightest bit of apprehension. “How do you feel?”

This is it. Derek’s chance to finally tell Stiles the truth. He always thought he’d be terrified, but looking up at Stiles and seeing nothing but trust in his eyes, he knows that it’s okay. “I’m in love with you. I have been for years. I’ve just been so afraid and I…”

His words are cut off when Stiles surges forward and kisses him. It’s just a quick press of lips before Stiles pulls back. His hands cup Derek’s cheeks as he beams down at him. “I love you too.”

Derek laughs, something happy and free, as he leans up and kisses him again. He’s been dreaming of this moment for so long. Wondering what it would be like to finally have Stiles in his arms, to kiss him and hold him close. Now he knows, and it’s better than anything he ever could have imagined. 

Stiles tugs on his sweater and pulls him up as he lays back on his bed. They both laugh when his back hits a pile of papers, which he quickly shoves off onto the floor. Derek’s hands slide under the t-shirt Stiles is wearing, _his_ shirt, as he kisses his way down his neck. He stops and smiles against his throat. “I love you in this.”

“Oh you do, do you?” Stiles asks, a teasing note to his voice.

Derek hums his agreement, “I do. I think you should keep it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It looks better on you anyway.”

Stiles grins and pulls him back up, connecting their lips in a soft kiss. “I guess I’ll just have to keep you then, too,” Stiles murmurs against his lips. “Unless you have a problem with that?”

“Not at all,” Derek tells him. “I can’t think of any place I’d rather be.”

They stay there a while, trading soft, unhurried kisses on Stiles’ bed. Eventually, they’ll have to leave. They both have a lot of explaining to do. For now, they just exist in this moment. The rest of the world can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Lyrics used come from Have You Ever by Brandy.


End file.
